The Bag
The papers are in a bag. The bag is in the car. The car is in the faculty lot, which is full. This is called progress.
tenure: pending · office hours: 2–3 · papers: in the car
I should be grading …Yet Here We Are
Today's excuse
A professor with 137 term papers, 63 unread emails and a terminal open. Guess which one is getting attention.
0term papers to grade
0term papers graded
0unread student emails
0office hours visitor (a spider)
0discussion posts pending reply
01 The Faculty Lounge
Overheard between the broken Keurig and the mailboxes nobody checks. Pinned for posterity.
Extension Policy
Extensions granted on request. I’ve been requesting one from myself since the add/drop deadline. Status: pending.
Sources Cited
A student cited “a TikTok.” I checked. It was not peer-reviewed. It was, however, correct.
Throughout History
Every paper opens “Throughout history, humans have…” Humans have not, in fact, done this. This was due Tuesday.
Office Hours
2–3 PM, every week, door open. Visitors this semester: zero students, one spider, one lost adjunct.
Reviewer 2
Grading is just peer review where Reviewer 2 is me, at 1 AM, and I’m also the one crying.
Discussion Board
“Reply to two classmates by Sunday.” 41 posts, unopened. Both classmates replied “great point!” to each other and moved on.
02 The Gradebook
An honest assessment of my week.
| Assignment | Grade | Comments |
|---|---|---|
| Term papers, stack 1 | INC | Opened. Closed. Opened again. Relocated to the other desk. |
| Term papers, stack 2 | F | Located. Lied about in an email. |
| Side project | A+ | Passed every test. The only thing in this office that has. |
| Replying to students | D− | “Thanks for reaching out! Per my syllabus,” has been in drafts since add/drop. |
| Committee meeting | INC | Met for two hours. Agreed to meet again. |
| Going to bed | B− | Last seen at 1:40 AM saying “one more commit.” |
| Discussion board replies | F | 41 pending. Due date was a “suggestion,” apparently, and I took it. |
03 Office Hours
The whiteboard in my office. Nobody else reads it. Nobody comes. Hover to erase — they come back. They always come back.
DR. T. — B12 · HOURS 2–3 · KNOCK
I will not tell the class the papers are “almost done.”
I will not write “per my syllabus” in an email.
I will not open VS Code “just to check something.”
I will not reply-all to the whole department. Again.
I will not schedule a meeting to schedule a meeting.
I will not tell the class the papers are “almos…
Should you be grading right now?
Almost certainly. And yet.
times you've been told to go grade: 0